Death by Alliteration
by ThuhJesheekuh
Summary: Inspired by "100 Ways to Kill Ilia," Ilia will die in three days if Link doesn't retrieve the potion that will save her. That should be easy for our favorite and most noble and reliable hero! Should being the operative word.


Nayru: Alliteration (_uh-lit-er-a-shun_)_ noun _- The repetition of the same sounds or of the same kinds of sounds at the beginning of words or in stressed syllables, as in _"on scrolls of silver snowy sentences" __(Hart Crane). _Modern alliteration is predominantly consonantal; certain literary traditions, such as Old English verse, also alliterate using vowel sounds. (American Heritage Dictionary).

Darunia: Disclaimer- she does not own anything Zelda-fied, so she owns nothing but the idea behind this piece.

Tingle: Zelda and all its characters and content are property of Nintendo and Shigeru Miyamoto or someone else like that.

* * *

Death by Alliteration

In the cool, clear calm of the coming cock-crow, Link casually crawled from the confinement of his comforter, clearing the cantina commons, and crossed to his quietly catnapping Clydesdale in a covered corral in Kakariko. Desiring a diversion for the day, he departed on his daring Epona, destined for distractions indefinite. In exiting the establishment, he entered into expansive environs for Epona to enjoy. The two traversed the turf, taking time for trivial tasks and taking track toward the territory's teemingest township.

By a bridge over a brook, Link was beckoned by buddies from his birthplace, bearing a boyish-looking burden. Link hastened at their harkening and hurriedly heard who was having healing at their health. Ilia, he realized was the raison d'être for their ride, her right reasoning from a really rotten revelation. She was made miserable by a malady most malevolent, making merriness move from her mind and the men in her municipality to make for medical miracle-makers. "Her sickness stems from soiled speech-- she is significantly stupefied and stopped in service to our settlement," stated Rusl sadly.

"You're all talking weird," Ilia croaked.

"In my world I wish she wasn't, but in what way can we win wellness?" Link wanted.

"A potion purchased from a practitioner of pillery, I pray provides the progress we plan," Rusl put in the picture.

"Readily I will retrieve this right-doer if you redirect me to the region of his residence," Link revealed.

"North to the next nation and near a knoll next to a nether-region of nastiness," Rusl narrated.

"How long to live?" Link looked to the lady.

"Three twilights," Rusl told.

"Bravely I bound for the boondocks!" Link beamed and bade them bye while they bore their burden to the brilliant borough.

* * *

Link followed foot-trails in the field that unfolded farther than five hundred miles for the fellow. Luckily, he landed in the lot of a lovely lady, Zelda. "Going for a great goal?" she greeted with a gift of gold.

"Therapy for thought is my thinking," Link thanked.

"For a friend?" she found.

"Indeed: Ilia," he insisted.

"Oh…," Zelda orated.

"I retreat for my resolution right readily," he rode.

"Before you bid me bye," Zelda beckoned, "Be benevolent and bestow me your backing."

"J-justification?" he jumbled.

"My mare has made a misstep and makes mobility missing," Zelda marked.

"And?" he asked.

"Can you carry me to my castle?" she questioned.

"Truly three twilights is my time-limit to traverse to this treatment," Link told.

"A single sidequest I say will not cease your saving," she said.

"Accurately, I acknowledge, you articulate, and I so acquiesce," he assumed, accompanying her to her apartments.

In the interior, Zelda invited, "It is indeed in the ill-hours."

"Perhaps I'll plant myself in your palace provisionally…," Link planned pathetically.

* * *

With one workday whiled away, Link worried for the well-being of Ilia. He had to hurry to her help if he hoped for her health. As he approached another attraction, he was addressed by another ally, Ashei, asking his assistance.

"I must make movement to the meeting of this mountain," she moaned.

"Pardon my position; for Ilia, I plan to pass to a place--," he protested.

"Yet the yetis yearn for yams, else Yeta yields to--!" she yelled.

"If relief is required I readily redirect my route," he released his resistance.

Fitting the fruits into his folds, Link followed his friend to their furrier friends. The climb was cold and comfortless, and Link couldn't cause his companion to clamber more quickly. At long last, Link landed in the lot of the large living-things.

"You grow groceries greatly," Yeto greeted.

"Overnight we will out here," Ashei ordered.

"Nay, north I need near!" Link neighed.

"But Yeta labors and Link likes little ones!" Yeto lured.

"Pregnant?" Link posed.

"Yes, Yeto and Yeta united years ago," Yeto yelled.

"Simply say 'sex,'" Ashei scowled.

"I cannot camp for I quest," Link contested.

"Ilia is his incentive," Ashei inserted.

"Two days is my time-limit," Link told.

Yeto's orbs opened. "Return to ridge is risky right now," Yeto reasoned.

"The dark is dangerous," Link deemed.

"Sleep in Snowhead; set out at sunrise," Yeto suggested.

"Fine…," Link finished.

* * *

At cockcrow, Link was concerned at his careless consumption of the clock. "Tomorrow Ilia terminates if treatment is not taken," he tallied. "I despise distractions."

He imagined Ilia's ill incantations. "Why are you using so much alliteration?" A disastrous disease.

Fortunately, he found his flight was far from follied through far-reaching fields. At this rate, his return may be right for her recovery! Saving any sidequests, she might be salvaged!

"Link! Zelda told me to tell you to take a trip from your travels to team with me in my task!" Midna turned up.

"Midna! I supposed you sealed in a separate space!" Link stated.

"I emigrate to enlist your enduring empathy," she explained.

"Will it wait?" he wished.

"The Twili trial terribly and totally, though!" Midna told.

Hesitantly, Link held off his hometown's hopes. "How do I help?"

They made their mission to the Mirror and made for her monarchy. A screaming so shady sounded stridently. Thithering toward the trouble, they trekked through the Twilight. Finally, they found the failure in their fortunes. A bratty baby would not be brought to bed.

"I'm sure a spank will solve our snag," Midna stated.

"Punishment for a puny person is your purpose?" Link protested. "I thought the Twili trialed terribly and totally?"

"I exaggerate evidently," Midna elucidated.

Quickly complying with the castigation, Link came out of the kingdom and crossed to his Clydesdale. Dawn drawing, Link dashed to his destination. But, belated, his buddy became breathless. Her ultimate utterance: "Alliteration sucks!" She then kicked a cucco and came to casualty.

Parallel, the princesses and prettier pals all partied at the palace. "We did our duty: the ditz is dead!" they danced.

* * *

Knowing the news, Link neared his nation. In place of a presence with his pals from his place of origin, his passage was to a palace of potent potables.

"How sad that she shouldn't be saved," Telma sighed.

"My condolences for the cause of your continued consumption of cocktail," Shad comforted.

"Meh," Link muttered unmoved.

"Disappointed? Depressed?" Auru declared.

Link shook his skull and snickered. "Couldn't care; she was a crappy character," he chuckled.

"True that," Telma toasted.

* * *

Selphie: Inspired by the massive collaboration headed by Midnight Crystal Sage, 100 Ways to Kill Ilia! Check it out if you want to enjoy one hundred entirely random and extremely goofy assassinations of this simple country girl! This was also my first Twilight Princess fic and quite possibly my last as TP is far from my favorite Zelda game. That's all! R&R and KIT&KIR.


End file.
